...a Bitter realization

I’m feeling quite melancholic for no reason today and added to the fact that imouto had added one more reminder that my…relationship (I guess you can call a one-sided interest a somewhat distorted relationship) with Danna-dearest was quite superficial... it’s laughable, really since I’m the one that asked him out.*bitter laugh~* It happened during the middle of the second semester… He had comforted me when I was at my breaking point and helped me settle-up a feud between me and my housemates (←one of the causes of my break down). I was quite smitten by this side of him, but he had said once that he has facades, is this one of it?

When I made a confession, he had dawdled until to the end of that particular semester. I know I can’t win against the object of his forever obsession (je) and I don’t particularly fit his desired traits for his ideal lady-friend. He had asked me out one night, saying that we need to talk it out… I’ve ended spilling out the beans about my unpleasant ‘encounter’ with my former classmate…since the thing he had asked as to consummate the joining was a kiss, plus the kind of relationship he wants involves lot of physical assurances…flashbacks are definite… he had made me questioned my decision on making him my q]s. Considering I’m quite traditional, it’ll be quite hard to make this relationship work. I know he’s restraining himself quite well; considering he’s a healthy, hormonal 20-year old male being, but how long he can keep it up, he’ll break, eventually and that kind of future prospect scares me… In the end (being in denial), I concede the fact that this infatuation is something fleeting and shallow, I am green-by-the-horn when it comes to love anyway… I bid him goodbye and eventually, thing goes as if nothing had happened; I had never made that confession, we never meet up that night, I never did cry in front of him, he never did comfort me, a clean slate to start again. (This is when being detached is considered to be a blessing)

It’s time to clear out the old deck to start shuffling a new one.

Later on the start of this semester, he had proven my decision to back out to be somewhat the right thing to do since he had been prowling around the proverbial field searching for a girlfriend. I could only watch, finding it amusing, to say the least –added with the tinge of empathy in it, watching him jumping headlong first to any opportunity to date anyone of that matched his preference.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it’s a good thing then. But if they didn’t, it was never meant to be…